I'm experiencing a bit of identity crisis in my identity as a women and a gamer. Last night we were happily downloading E3 trailers from our XBox Live service, knowing that all trailers there are heavily skewed towards Microsoft (when what I REALLY want to know is what Blizzard is talking about!). So, herein lies the tale:
One of the trailers we watched was for Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball 2. I have played and enjoyed the first DOA:EBV - even though it is marketed towards horny boys, it is in many ways a great game for girls. There's no combat, you can shop, you can buy new swimsuits, it's great! However, Extreme Beach Volleyball 2 is looking to be even more extreme. Honestly, I'm not sure if their breasts are supposed to be the volleyballs in question. They move in extremely mysterious ways. I'm not sure if the guys at Team Ninja have ever seen breasts in real life because their boob physics are exceedingly fantastic. They move independently of any stimulus as well as each other - one will be going up while the other is going down, in a rather hypnotic wave-like motion. It's really something to behold, and I can guarantee no one will be able to play volleyball with those things wrestling around.
The second trailer was a "Backstage Pass" for two Xbox gamers to peruse the wonders that exist at E3 (only Microsoft, of course). The gamers they chose were both girls (I purposefully use the word "girls" to describe them) from an all-girl guild called PMS. Great. These girls have girly names, girly clothes, and talk about E3 like they are from Beverly Hills:90210, "Oh. My. Gawd, I'm so TOTALLY excited about this game. Like, it'll be the kewlist game EVUR! Awesome, score!" They bounce around, walk arm-in-arm and flirt with all the poor coders who haven't seen a girl in real life for several weeks at least in their 80+ hour work weeks leading up to E3.
Which is worse? I vote for the sad reality.
(oooo...New Alliance Race!!!)
Update: no Wikipedia articles were harmed in the creation of this post.